The practical class just ended and I followed my friends blindly to cafeteria. They went and bought some snacks but I didn’t feel like eating. I thought of waiting them at the garden but they didn’t find me and then call me that they waited me at the hall. It was about 2 hours more before the lecture. I stayed there and some of my friends came saying why I was looking so moody? No nothing. But my mind kept flying without a destination I don’t know why. Ya Rabbi… 
Then, I saw a small corner of clovers and remind me of the lucky leaves. Without thinking my fingers kept searching for the 4 leaves lucky clover. Why did I believe in this nonsense? I didn’t think so but something for sure that my heart must be searching for one because she wanted one, she craving for luck or she was sad and wanted something which can enlighten her. I searched for one but none…too many and I’ll look really silly if people started realizing of what I’m doing.
That’s doesn’t matter but what most important now was that she was craving for the filling of empty space there deep in the cardia. Then just to distract my eagerness of the lucky clover which was nonsense I took the phone. After failing making a phone call I opened the module and tried to read. After 3 paragraph my hand just automatically distracted and started taking pictures of my friends and the nice blue sky. Normal maybe but something wasn’t here with the same photograph of the nice warm blue sky. I keep doing the clicked till I was contented enough it was the best. Not normal. She was telling me a hint the moment. The cardia. She wants something calming…
I thought for it. For what she wanted thoroughly. Nothing else. It took my whole day thinking of it. She took some of my focuses from the lecture. As I walked back directing to the hostel, I again kept silence and smile once and a while when some of my friends pass by… they must kept in their mind “medical field wasn’t a place to walk and waste time…run!” I got their message but my leg was just too weak.
Yes my dear little doctor, when we are weak we wanted something to make us strong. When she(the heart) wanted a gift then you should give her the gift and just then she@you feel ease. When you want something you must asked for the owner. Who is the Owner of your strength? Allah Al-Aziz. Who is the only One who can give her gift? Allah Al-Malik.
There was time, when, we will feel empty. Expressionless. We want to running from everyone but do know that wherever you run, or hide Allah will always know. He know what you feeling inside and out. He know that she craving for gift. He who made all of those feeling. Thus he is the One that know most His creation, my dear little wench. What you’re missing there in the heart is the gift of love? Not their love but His love, one and only His.
Something I realize that keeping silence and avoiding others for these few days just because I’m searching for the gift or even I realize everything will come from Him and just asking for Him, running from everyone didn’t solve my emptiness. Oh Rabbi, when I stand up against it just then I felt stronger. When I stand up and asking for you just then I feel relieve knowing I did my part and Allah hear my prayers and He will help me. All I need to do is keep running and look around me, Allah had always give me His gift. “Allah Maha Bijak memberi hadiah pada kita, Maha Lembut menyentuh hati kita” even with just this nice photograph.
Go away all those emptiness, Allah with me all the time. I have Allah with me. You bring me nothing but making my brain damp. Stole my focus and waste my time. You just make me weaker! But all I need to do is relying on Him. Its okay with doing something alone sometime but I am not lonely He is with me. [Sometime we need to give a time for us and Allah only_ that’s what we called dating especially 2/3 malam]
Pst: [dear miss crimson heart, the best gift for you is to realize all of this. Thank you and by the way…you are blushing….hahahaha…always^_^]
Stop rowing the boat: [1256_21052011]
