whisPeR Of ThE hEaRt

DEAR LITTLE HEART,

I cant wait to tell about my study leaves all along in the hostel. Yes hostel but perhaps u know little heart its full of happiness!!! Yay!!! It teach me many things and it’s a place for the brave 1^st step I took in my long phases of learning. I tell u later about the hostel. Let me tell u 1^st the days.

We were given 3days leave before practical exam and another 3days for the MCQ. Its not a long study week for examination. Time will never be ENOUGH!!! But I was the one responsible to go beyond the time not waiting and after it. RUN BEFORE TIME!!!! even so, time still is not enough! Fuuuh… so when the day came for pract exam, I was very afraid. I stayed silently deep in my heart. Try to talk with u or any chance that u heard me already? Naah…even yes I’m telling you.

I prayed to Allah and I prayed deep in my heart

“oh mom dad do pray for me at home…mom and dad will always pray for me. So that’s why I need to do the best and never give up till the end….”, I break br

oke and was broken once back there. I was really sad and afraid of the exam…why must i? I don’t know but burst …

flashing back to my old high school days. My form 1, I brok

e to my 1^st sister, form 2 I burst to my mom and the rest is history… so even back there I break, broke and was broken but… with mom and kayon! Here in this far far away land, I’m longing for them and my loves.

But you know what little heart,

what is special in islam is Allah is the Only Lord. I have Him back there, now and for ever. He who made me strong and stronger. He inspired me to take the Quran and recite. Oh my Lord, do calm my heart, do give me strength always and everytime I feel week… then I recite the Quran. Finally I said my prayer, “oh Allah do show me the ayat which can give me strength…pliz ya Allah” with my heart begging only to Him I open the closed Quran and said “I’ll read the 3^rd ayat on th right

pages…with the name of Allah the Most Gracious and the Most Merciful…”

[barangsiapa menghendaki kehidupan dunia dan perh

iasannya, pasti Kami Berikan balasan penuh atas pekerjaan mereka di dunia dengan sempurna dan mereka di dunia tidak dirugikan. Itulah orang-orang yang tidak memperoleh sesuatu di akhirat kecuali neraka, dan sia-sialah disana apa yang telah mereka usahakan di dunia dan terhapuslah apa yang telah mereka kerjakan. AL-HUD:15,16]

Again I was break.

Allah u send me a great ayat. Pliz accept my repent. Apologize me for taking life as dunia. Allah make me strong and stronger, help me in my examination tomorrow for my examination fil akhirat ya rabbi…thank you Allah for whatever it be I know now its not for the dunia its just a bonus but the redha from u I seek for akhirat.

“after I work and strive, only to You I rely…ya Rabbi ”

~CLOVER~

The practical class just ended and I followed my friends blindly to cafeteria. They went and bought some snacks but I didn’t feel like eating. I thought of waiting them at the garden but they didn’t find me and then call me that they waited me at the hall. It was about 2 hours more before the lecture. I stayed there and some of my friends came saying why I was looking so moody? No nothing. But my mind kept flying without a destination I don’t know why. Ya Rabbi…

Then, I saw a small corner of clovers and remind me of the lucky leaves. Without thinking my fingers kept searching for the 4 leaves lucky clover. Why did I believe in this nonsense? I didn’t think so but something for sure that my heart must be searching for one because she wanted one, she craving for luck or she was sad and wanted something which can enlighten her. I searched for one but none…too many and I’ll look really silly if people started realizing of what I’m doing.

That’s doesn’t matter but what most important now was that she was craving for the filling of empty space there deep in the cardia. Then just to distract my eagerness of the lucky clover which was nonsense I took the phone. After failing making a phone call I opened the module and tried to read. After 3 paragraph my hand just automatically distracted and started taking pictures of my friends and the nice blue sky. Normal maybe but something wasn’t here with the same photograph of the nice warm blue sky. I keep doing the clicked till I was contented enough it was the best. Not normal. She was telling me a hint the moment. The cardia. She wants something calming…

I thought for it. For what she wanted thoroughly. Nothing else. It took my whole day thinking of it. She took some of my focuses from the lecture. As I walked back directing to the hostel, I again kept silence and smile once and a while when some of my friends pass by… they must kept in their mind “medical field wasn’t a place to walk and waste time…run!” I got their message but my leg was just too weak.

Yes my dear little doctor, when we are weak we wanted something to make us strong. When she(the heart) wanted a gift then you should give her the gift and just then she@you feel ease. When you want something you must asked for the owner. Who is the Owner of your strength? Allah Al-Aziz. Who is the only One who can give her gift? Allah Al-Malik.

There was time, when, we will feel empty. Expressionless. We want to running from everyone but do know that wherever you run, or hide Allah will always know. He know what you feeling inside and out. He know that she craving for gift. He who made all of those feeling. Thus he is the One that know most His creation, my dear little wench. What you’re missing there in the heart is the gift of love? Not their love but His love, one and only His.

Something I realize that keeping silence and avoiding others for these few days just because I’m searching for the gift or even I realize everything will come from Him and just asking for Him, running from everyone didn’t solve my emptiness. Oh Rabbi, when I stand up against it just then I felt stronger. When I stand up and asking for you just then I feel relieve knowing I did my part and Allah hear my prayers and He will help me. All I need to do is keep running and look around me, Allah had always give me His gift. “Allah Maha Bijak memberi hadiah pada kita, Maha Lembut menyentuh hati kita” even with just this nice photograph.

Go away all those emptiness, Allah with me all the time. I have Allah with me. You bring me nothing but making my brain damp. Stole my focus and waste my time. You just make me weaker! But all I need to do is relying on Him. Its okay with doing something alone sometime but I am not lonely He is with me. [Sometime we need to give a time for us and Allah only_ that’s what we called dating especially 2/3 malam]

Pst: [dear miss crimson heart, the best gift for you is to realize all of this. Thank you and by the way…you are blushing….hahahaha…always^_^]

Stop rowing the boat: [1256_21052011]

nombor nombor nombor

Dear miss diaries and mr.bloggers

Electrolyte and water balance. Looking back while I was doing my daily reading mostly today I came to realize, I hate fact. I hate something without logic and I must know the reason first why. I also hate it when people give me non logic reason. And to more worst I hate people who lied and I pray that I didn’t had to lie because people must hate it too. When I found that why Allah creates this and that, just then I can take it as a lesson n remember it, insyallah always.

Electrolyte and water balance was something full of new information. Something new, although it is much easier than in the high school which we got to memorized the whole experiment, the word definition and etc. Just new fact with nothing to explode my head still maybe because it is full of fact and numbers and I came to leave it behind to read it as the last. How I am supposed to remember all of this numbers when, I must know them just as fact. Yeah, sometimes we do need to take something as fact because there is no reason of knowing in behind it. As I finished reading others I came to come to this fact again. If u think I hate numbers, no..as I love learning addmath(tapi dah bkarat dah). Sometimes, I hate this part of my thinking and sometimes it does me good. Part of must knowing all. If u think I was just making havoc then why don’t u tell me how can I memorized how much water output in urine, skin, lung and feces? Plus with the numbers for input and numbers for different body compartment. Numbers. Sigh.

[The heart is doing the talk]

Dear our little doctor, you know that you have leaving this part behind and for you to read as last one right? Have you haven’t heard of a phrase, ‘save the best for the last’ and we didn’t say it ‘save the last for the best’. Saving the best was just like what u’re doing. You came to the topic and leave it to read last. Know what it is because u wanna read it by ur heart and u wanna give ur precious time to it, memorizing it. So to give your precious time to it must be something you care of (the best).

While, saving the last for the best is you are reading all through it (didn’t skip it) and came to the last part of the book, you save it for your precious sweet ending.

So,

The best for the last= precious part (the part itself) for a precious ending. Its ends with precious story with a precious part. ^_^

The last for the best= it just for a precious ending the last part itself didn’t precious you but because it was the last, it’s the precious of the entire story in the book. If the ending goes well the story was precious.

Dear our little doctor, you treasured the part as the most precious and so why can’t you memorized and know them by your heart(me) when I myself know you really giving your best for this part. Finally from me, eat well, sleep well, read well, study well and remember Allah is always by your side, the side of people who patiently struggle and work hard for the best. If your brain can’t remember it, then that’s because you must pray to the Owner. Bdoalah dan mintak dari Allah kemudahan kefahaman dan kekuatan ingatan.

“dan setiap orang memperoleh tingkatan sesuai dengan apa yang telah mereka kerjakan, dan agar Allah mencukupkan balasan perbuatan mereka, dan mereka tidak dirugikan.” (46:19)

“dan sesungguhnya usahanya itu kelak akan diperlihatkan (kepedanya). ”

“dan kemudian akan diberi balasan kpdnya dengan balasan yang paling sempurna” (53:40,41)

Lantas my little doctor do you think what Allah see is result? No. what Allah see is your fight not the result. Berusalah sebab Allah sdg melihat mu(beruntung saat semua manusia sdg berebut mndptkan pandangan Allah). BERUSAHA FIGHTING!!!!

KISAH CINTA SANG AWAN DAN PELANGI

Waktu dhuha ini,

sentuhan cinta Allah dtg,

Bila ia tiba, ia tidak masuk 

Namun, cukup utk mengetuk

daun pintu jiwa insani

Tempias.

x bermalam tp persinggahan

persinggahan yg dalam

hati, hari nie, hujan turun

x lebat tp bukan sikit

adakah ia tahu ia turun pada waktu

embum pagi juga kluar

tidak! Ia tidak tahu. langsung tidak tahu!

tapi Allah Maha Tahu

hati, aku tfikir…

adkah awan sdg bsedih?

aku teringat kamu, kamu juga sedih

adakah ini email cinta dr Allah?

Adakah ini penghibur mu hati?

Juga hati2 hambanya laen?

Jika awan menangis , pasti kejap lagi

Ia sudah tinggal esak

Kerana aku lihat, ia x selalu menangis lama

Kadang, ada pelangi menanti pula

Itu email dr Allah utk mu…hati

Duhai hati, usah bsedih,

Ketahuilah

Selpas awan menangis juga ada kegembiraan

Pasti utkmu juga hati…

Duhai hati,

Senyumlah yg dinantikan oleh embun pagi

Senyuman dalam bermakna

Senyuman sang perindu

“lihat kau sudah tsenyum!”

Duhai hati, kadg2

Hujan itu belum henti2 lagi

Awan menangis dan terus menangis

Hgg tangisannya disambung duka

Namun itu jarang skali

Kamu juga hati, usah menangis lagi

Bimbang nanti bukan pelangi yg tiba, tp bala

Alam yg merana

Duhai hati, usah bersedih

Dgn izinNya embun pagi ini bukan yg ke2

Tapi pertama, yg dinantikan senyuman

Moga ia lembab disinari mentari berpelangi

Duhai hati,

Lihatlah alam

Lihat sekitarmu,

Ada hiburan dari Pemilik Hiburan

betapa uniknya cara Allah

menghiburkanmu hati…

redup tapi berbunga

basah tapi renyai

sayu tapi nipis

sedikit tapi nikmat

buruk tapi cantik

sedih tapi gembira

ia bukan benci tapi cinta

bukan dongengan tapi

kisah cinta.

sang awan dan pelangi.

HaTi

peace be upon u n greetings to all non-muslim

smilling as always
mesti rase cm serius bile bace tajukkan...xper..
niee hanya sekadar satu puisi yg ttulis dr hati yg sdg mengadu..
moga ade pelajaran disitu utk anta n anti...

Allah, aku tak kuat
kerna Kau y Maha Gagah
namun aku x mahu mgaku lemah
kerana Rasulullah s.a.w seorang yg tabah

wahai Pemilik Hati
xdpt ku sembunyikan lagi rase hati
kerna Kau Maha Mengetahui
namun tetap aku mahu adui,
alu lebih senang tarbiahMu mlalui rasulMu
aku lebih senang mengingati sunnahnya
aku lebih senang belajar dari al-Quran dan hadis,
namun x semua tarbiah setiap mase ku dpt
kerana susah bgku memahaminya
lalu terbit rase putus asa dihatiku

aku tahu iman ku memberontak
Tuhan bukalah hijab hatiku memahaminya
Tuhan jgn Kau jauhkan dr ku tarbiahMu

till then keep smilling